"Welcome To Bullworth" Script

Jimmy: Mom, why'd you marry that phony? What is wrong with you? I can't believe this.

Ms. Danvers: You must be the Hopkins boy.

Jimmy: Were'd you come from?

Ms. Danvers: We've been expecting you. Welcome to Bullworth Academy. [Sigh] I'm sure you'll be very happy here. Very happy indeed. Anyway, I can't spend my live waiting for naughty little boys. I've got a man to make happy. The Headmaster is expecting you, Hopkins, in his Study.

Jimmy: Okay.

Ms. Danvers: His Study is over there, boy, in the main building. Don't keep Dr. Crabblesnitch waiting. He's a brilliant man. Brilliant.

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Dr. Crabblesnitch: Ah, yes. So you must be Hopkins.

Jimmy: [Sigh] Uh-huh.

Dr. Crabblesnitch: 'What? Uh-huh, what?'

Jimmy: I meant, 'Yes, Sir.'

Dr. Crabblesnitch: Very good. Now let me see... [Gasp] You've done a lot of naughty things, haven't you? Vandalism, graffiti, bad language, violent conduct, disrespecting staff, oh, I'm scared of you, Hopkins.

Jimmy: Come on, give me a break.

Dr. Crabblesnitch: Yes, I've never met a boy like you. Never in all my life. Hopkins, you're quiet the nastiest little boy I've ever encountered. Tell me, why should I waste my time on you?

Jimmy: I don't know.

Dr. Crabblesnitch: Because it's my calling. It's what I do. You excel at causing trouble and I excel at fixing little boys like you and making you into respectable members of our community here at the academy. I've got a good feeling about you, boy, a feeling you and I are going to be great friends. You keep that nose clean, boy, or I shall clean it myself. Ms. Danvers? Are you back yet?

Ms. Danvers: Yes, Headmaster. And I got your tea.

Dr. Crabblesnitch: You are good to me, Ms. Danvers.

Ms. Danvers: No more than you deserve, Headmaster.

Dr. Crabblesnitch: Take our new friend, Hopkins here, and show him around the school and get him properly attired.

Ms. Danvers: Certainly, Headmaster. Come along, boy. I haven't got all day.

Dr. Crabblesnitch: And, boy, remember: You will have a clean nose. So keep it clean
or we'll clean it for you.