"The Eggs" Script

Chad: Look - there he is!

Tad: I was wondering if you'd show up, Hopkins. Nice Aquaberry sweater. Tres chic.

Parker: Yeah.

Tad: Wow... You look a bit like my gardener at home.

Jimmy: Yeah? So what?

Tad: Yes, well, enough about gardeners or any domestic help. Listen - Me and the champs were planning a little revenge hit on old Hattrick. We don't like what he did to that old soak, Galloway. A chap can have a drink if he bloody hell wants to.

Jimmy: So?

Tad: [Laughs] So, my friend, are you, as they say, 'in'?

Jimmy: Sure. Are you English?

Tad: Well, no, I just speak this way because I'm very insecure. You see my father is a self-made man so I pretend to be old money, but in fact I'm really nouveau riche. But less about me, dear boy. Listen - We're going to egg that old codger's house.

Jimmy: Cool.

Tad: Smashing! You go get some eggs and meet me and the chaps back at my house.

---

Tad: Got the eggs, Hopkins?

Jimmy: You bet.

Tad: Then give them to me!

Jimmy: Take 'em.

Tad: Smashing! Now tell me, Hopkins - is it true you said I was inbred?

Jimmy: No!

Tad: Because first cousins is legal, my friend, legal!

Jimmy: Yeah, okay.

Tad: Yeah, and just because my elder brother doesn't have a chin and ended up in a lunatic asylum doesn't mean anything.

Jimmy: Whatever, Tad, your family is your business.

Gary: Don't lie, Jimmy. You said Tad was probably a hermaphrodite with that much inbreeding.

Jimmy: A hermaphro-what?

Gary: Don't act dumb. You said his Mom was also legally his Aunt and that he probably had webbed toes.

Tad: I don't--Well, just only on one foot.

Gary: Tad, you're not gonna take that kind of crap from this scum-bag, are you?

Tad: You've--you--you've been rude about Mommy! Let's get this pauper!